The cogs must turn

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obskewer
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The cogs must turn

Postby obskewer » Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:35 am

I'm sure you understand your own exhistance quite well. Hell, you might even know the people around you like they were video game characters, or teraformed playdoh people. However, do you understand their perceptions of you? Of how they perceive you, physically? Of how they understand you as an emotional being? Of what they like and dislike about you? It takes a second for us to come up any of these answers. In the time you might be able to find a fair conclusion, their opinions have already warped into something else. It's almost impossible to know what any one person has personified you as, in their own heads. Even after knowing them for years. Even if they were telling you what they think, at that very moment! And to think about even one other person's thoughts takes the entirety of our own mental function! How could we even begin to fathom exact thoughts for multitudes of aquantences? We can't. We can only try to generalize. We think people hate us or love us. Worship or resent. Respect or disregard. We're almost always function within society using these parameters to control the specifics of our actions. If we perceive ourselves as popular, we expect everyone to like us and show appreciation for our efforts. Even when other individuals become jealous or show disconcern for our behalves, we often ignore these easily discernable characteristics in favor of the ones we have already decided for ourselves. Therefore, if I feel popular, I see no reason for you not to like me, and therfore, there must be something wrong with you not to like me!

Another example comes if I look see myself as depressed. Often, when we feel sad, we have two options of dealing with our torment. We either release our anxieties outward (by sharing our feelings with others), or we hold our emotions, inside. If we choose to release, we expect everyone to listen and be sympathetic towards us. We show disconcern for others, since our own grief is so over powering, and often this leads to pushing people even farther away from us. It's a bad cycle, because the more we repel those around us, the more we feel people should listen to us. If the individual doesn't make a conscious effort to diviate from these feelings, their fears eventually become altruistic. No one cares any longer to help, for fear of being brought down into a weary state, themselves. And even those that continue to help do so haphazardly, only offering general advice and anecdotes to try and ease the force of sadness being exerted upon themselves by the depressor. If I hold my depression inward, an interesting thing happens. I become my own listener. I am forced to answer to myself for all of the negative thoughts circling around my head, wearing myself out until I no longer want to listen to anyone, even myself. We feel that to reach out puts a burden on those close to us, even when they are capable and willing to help. We feel there is nothing we can do except torment ourselves and, unlike others, have no choice but to have these concerns battered into our skulls. The thing we fear most, which is burdening others, becomes inconcequential as people slowly begin to pull away farther and farther. We feel as people should respect us for not divulging our personal concerns, when in reality, people are too self-aware to make any such distinction. They are more likely to disregard us, or to even feel repulsed by our behavior.

A much simpler example to all this:

When someone smiles, you smile back as an automatic function. Not because you're happy or excited to see them. That is what expected of you. Me being in a good mood may make you feel better. But it probably won't be the highlight of YOUR day. You might not even recognize me at all, or feel envious of my enlightened prospect. The point is I EXPECT you to be happy, like me. And if your actions are incongruent with my expectations, you are either an irregularity of the social structure, or "just having a bad day".

Note: This post was written for those without rigid social boundaries to disect and criticize.

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Postby HeRetiK » Tue Feb 01, 2011 12:26 pm

Not sure how this fits into this, but I for one make eye contact because it's expected.

Making eye contact (i.e. when talking to someone, but also other occasions) is something I hardly did and hardly was able to do for a long time. I trained myself to do this because people would start to get annoyed with me facing in a different direction when talking (also makes it hard to understand what I'm saying, especially since I tended to mumble a lot, maybe I still do)

A word of warning on becoming your own listener - Reflection is a very important part of self-recovery. Without any input from the outside world, however, you are in danger of becoming a closed system with an abundance of negative feelings and nowhere to go.

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Postby Zyn » Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:51 pm

Yea, people are just products of the world around them. And I'm getting sick of feeling what I'm told to feel.
S. [Burned] Y. wrote:Zyn, please stop telling the special ed kids of your school about this place.


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Postby HeRetiK » Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:17 pm

People are also a product of the world around them, not just. If it were just the world around them, it would implicate that we're all hardwired the same way - which we're not, except for the same basic needs everyone shares.

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Postby Astica » Wed Feb 02, 2011 2:56 am

@TheMob: :? I think you and I must think about the world very differently from each other. I never expect people to like me or listen to me, although I would like for them to, and I don't ever think that people only hate or love me, or anyone else for that matter, as there is a whole range of different thoughts and feelings, such as indifference, that you aren't taking into account with that example.
People become much easier to deal with once you accept that you can never really know what they're thinking, just like they can never really know what you're thinking. Remember that everyone is just like you, and that they think and feel in the same way, even though what they think and feel is different.

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Postby Zyn » Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:44 pm

Astica wrote:@TheMob: :? I think you and I must think about the world very differently from each other. I never expect people to like me or listen to me, although I would like for them to, and I don't ever think that people only hate or love me, or anyone else for that matter, as there is a whole range of different thoughts and feelings, such as indifference, that you aren't taking into account with that example.


Astica, we share this thought. I've noticed that a lot of people don't, though. There are a great majority of people in my life who have never even asked me if I was feeling alright, but expect me to less to all their trivial and meaningless issues.
S. [Burned] Y. wrote:Zyn, please stop telling the special ed kids of your school about this place.


Voly wrote:You just earned back all the many, many points I've taken away from you (mentally) since you've been here.

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Postby HeRetiK » Wed Feb 02, 2011 4:26 pm

Zynathias wrote:There are a great majority of people in my life who have never even asked me if I was feeling alright, but expect me to less to all their trivial and meaningless issues.


Be careful with thinking this way. It can easily lead to becoming a self-absorbed, self-entitled little fucker or possibly exactly the kind of person you try to avoid.

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Postby Elen Sila » Fri Feb 04, 2011 5:38 am

I generally don't look in people's eyes when I talk to them. I usually stare around the region of their nose, mouth, or ears, if I'm even looking at their face at all. I've only occasionally had people call me out on it, usually teachers or my father, but this only makes them regret it, because when I look somebody in the eye I look like I'm trying to stare them to death.
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Postby Astica » Fri Feb 04, 2011 4:18 pm

I always feel weird talking to people who look at my face but not my eyes. If they stare past me, or at my face, there sort of seems to be something vaguely moronic about the way they aren't fixed on anything specific, but if they keep their eyes moving all around while not looking into my eyes I assume they're freakishly shy or lying, depending on what's being said.

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Postby Zyn » Fri Feb 04, 2011 10:07 pm

I'm completely comfortable with it. As people talk, I'm using subconsciously scanning their body language for lies or hidden truths or the like anyway, so I really ever look them directly in the eyes.
S. [Burned] Y. wrote:Zyn, please stop telling the special ed kids of your school about this place.


Voly wrote:You just earned back all the many, many points I've taken away from you (mentally) since you've been here.

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Postby Ashreal » Sat Feb 05, 2011 1:40 pm

Anyone that i don't know, i look straight in their eyes and never look away, it's like testing their backbone. Guess that makes me the conversation bully.
For those that fight for it, life has a flavour that the sheltered will never know.

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Postby evilredqueen » Sat Feb 05, 2011 9:12 pm

No Ash ... I always look into a person eyes. I agree with you somewhat that it is a test of their backbone.

Windows to the soul....

@ Mob

I truely believe and I guess live by the belief that no matter who you are, how fast, how smart, how strong, how you look, act, talk, ect ect...

1/3 of the people will like you...
1/3 of the people will dislike you..
1/3 don't really give a fuck ...

Just be who you are ... be true to yourself... and let them fall where they may.
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Postby HeRetiK » Sat Feb 05, 2011 11:13 pm

evilredqueen wrote:1/8 of people will like you
1/8 of people will dislike you
3/4 don't really give a fuck


FTFY

unless you're a hot chick, in which case

1/2 will like you
1/2 will hate you

and out of the 1/2 that like you, 1/2 will secretly hate you.

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Postby Astica » Sun Feb 06, 2011 9:49 am

^And out of the 1/2 that hate you, 1/2 will secretly want to bang you.

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Postby HeRetiK » Sun Feb 06, 2011 11:16 am

Regardless of gender.

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Postby evilredqueen » Sun Feb 06, 2011 6:31 pm

HeRetiK wrote:Regardless of gender.


Sounds like a winner to me ... :_)
Zyn wrote:Because God knows ERQ has always been a font of sensible and well-supported opinions.

Voly wrote:ASSASSINATE ALL THEM GOT-DAMN NIGGER SYMPATHIZERS


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Postby HeRetiK » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:30 pm

just doubling the chances amirite?

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Postby evilredqueen » Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:32 pm

Yep ... lol
Zyn wrote:Because God knows ERQ has always been a font of sensible and well-supported opinions.

Voly wrote:ASSASSINATE ALL THEM GOT-DAMN NIGGER SYMPATHIZERS



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