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ƒrosty
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hello everybody

Postby ƒrosty » Fri Jun 21, 2013 10:37 pm

I remember thinking, when I was fourteen, about the fruitlessness of existential thinking, and making the resolution to keep my focus on fathomable things. Now I'm twenty-two and I got frozen up in all that shit anyway. I sure do feel like a boob.
[/somebullshit]

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Postby HeRetiK » Sat Jun 22, 2013 6:19 pm

so, what's on your mind my friend? the unfathomable does tend to catch up.

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Postby Guitar_clock » Sun Jun 23, 2013 10:10 am

Who's your god now¿

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Postby ƒrosty » Mon Jun 24, 2013 4:50 pm

I can hardly think of where to start. All my emotions, opinions, and convictions were radically revealed to me as totally absurd. It's not quite ego-death; more like ego-unlife. I still have my personal identity, but I'm removed from it. The experience of my life is taking place two arm's length away from 'me'. It's like John Malkovich, but I don't have a name of my own. I wake up every day and I'm expected to do all this adult human shit, and none of it makes sense to me anymore. Any of my qualities that I took for granted before now have to be a conscious effort; I have to choose who I am as an individual, but every decision would be arbitrary in a vacuum of personal characteristics. Even simple decisions are met by a tumbleweed's worth of input from within.

I'm just an early twenties something white male living in the United States. This kind of crap isn't unique to me.

What strikes me most is how tired I am. I don't feel like I need to sleep... I'm just sick and tired of being awake every day. Each time I sleep I just lay down and then get back up. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to stay up. The days melt together and the weeks melt together and and and...

GC wrote:Who's your god now¿
I haven't had any thoughts on gods for a while. I still have my old fallback... Shemhamforash!
[/somebullshit]

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Postby Guitar_clock » Mon Jun 24, 2013 4:58 pm

Suggest 6mg melatonin nightly.

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Postby ƒrosty » Tue Jun 25, 2013 3:57 pm

I took six milligrams of melatonin orally, and then proceeded to sleep through my alarm a little bit.
[/somebullshit]

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Postby Guitar_clock » Thu Jun 27, 2013 5:53 am

holy jesus somebody took Guitar_Clock's advice.

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Postby HeRetiK » Thu Jun 27, 2013 6:47 pm

Image

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Postby Spaced Ape » Fri Jun 28, 2013 3:15 am

ƒrosty wrote:I'm just an early twenties something white male living in the United States. This kind of crap isn't unique to me.


Helluva thing to hit yah, eh? I feel lucky I dealt with all this crap when I was a teenager. Just try to keep it in your head that despite how utterly pointless all of existence (probably) is, at least you're lucky enough to experience said existence in the first place.
Is there a promised land
Or am I on the journey going to nowhere?
Are the streets paved with gold
Or am I slipping on the mold that slowly grows there?
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Postby ƒrosty » Fri Jun 28, 2013 5:17 pm

The matters of existence itself aren't what's clogging up my cognition... the radical acceptance I experienced fucking zero-wrote my personality... All illusions of purpose or individuality were shattered. Now I have to build a persona for myself to use, knowing that it's totally arbitrary. What kind of decisions do I make when I don't put any weight behind my own opinions?
[/somebullshit]

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Postby Spaced Ape » Sat Jun 29, 2013 4:29 am

Whatever you say, man. Have you ever tried not giving a fuck? Works for me. Life is truly what you make of it.
Is there a promised land

Or am I on the journey going to nowhere?

Are the streets paved with gold

Or am I slipping on the mold that slowly grows there?

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Postby Guitar_clock » Sat Jun 29, 2013 8:08 pm

You should put *some* weight to your decisions; like not drowning, or not murdering, or not breaking glass dildos off in strange women. You eventually figure it out, at least in a workable sense, as if you could live your life and still find meaning and happiness.

Who knows

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Postby ƒrosty » Mon Jul 01, 2013 3:26 pm

I don't want to find meaning; that still feels like avoiding the problem of Absurdity. There are some set guidelines for surviving as an organism, and some miscellaneous actions that trigger my reward circuits... then what?

Spaced Ape wrote:Whatever you say, man. Have you ever tried not giving a fuck? Works for me. Life is truly what you make of it.
This is exactly true, but not give a fuck about what?
[/somebullshit]

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Postby Guitar_clock » Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:52 am

ƒrosty wrote:I don't want to find meaning; that still feels like avoiding the problem of Absurdity.

Look at you, being all dogmatic-like. That's smart. What's your philosophical trouble, there, OG¿

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Postby Spaced Ape » Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:44 pm

I'll give you the same piece of advice my father gave me:

Rule 1: Don't sweat the small shit.
Rule 2: Everything is small shit.
Is there a promised land

Or am I on the journey going to nowhere?

Are the streets paved with gold

Or am I slipping on the mold that slowly grows there?

DevilDriver - Monsters of the Deep

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Postby ƒrosty » Tue Jul 02, 2013 7:25 pm

Alright; so, in the absence of anxiety (sweet visions of Ataraxia), what am I then? This is about creating an ego. If I push the thoughts out entirely, then I'll be totally sedentary, for lack of volition and inspiration.
Guitar_clock wrote:
ƒrosty wrote:I don't want to find meaning; that still feels like avoiding the problem of Absurdity.

Look at you, being all dogmatic-like. That's smart. What's your philosophical trouble, there, OG¿

My desire is to be as free as possible from any bullshit. Speaking as though I have any real knowledge of better or worse (valuable or less valuable) or should-this-or-that leaves an awful taste on my tongue.
[/somebullshit]

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Postby Spaced Ape » Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:20 pm

ƒrosty wrote:what am I then?


An ape floating in space. An inconsequential form of life spending a relatively paltry amount of time living on "a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam". You can see it as disheartening. I used to. But now I see it as more of an opportunity. Despite how pointless everything likely is, there's still suffering in this world. There's still hope for our future. So I choose to help who I can, and choose my own reason to live on.

And that's what you have to do. Don't come to an internet forum and ask people you barely know what to do with your life, because they don't know you. Only you have the ability to create meaning in your life. Others may suggest or push their agenda, but then all you are is a puppet to someone else's whims. If you want to live that way, go for it, but to me that's no way to live the one life you were lucky enough to have.
Is there a promised land

Or am I on the journey going to nowhere?

Are the streets paved with gold

Or am I slipping on the mold that slowly grows there?

DevilDriver - Monsters of the Deep

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Postby ƒrosty » Fri Jul 05, 2013 10:04 pm

Okay yes, I had all that already. Cosmic awareness : check.

But then what? I still have to have a personality, or I'm functionally lifeless. So what do I choose? I lost all my convictions as an "individual" when I tried to intellectualize every desire I had. It's not important. I'm not confused; I'm just uninspired... so I just blurt it out to anyone who will listen and hope something someone says gives me enough to think about to turn on the emotional "light" I'm looking for, or at least bring me one step closer.
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Postby Spaced Ape » Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:32 am

I must be having trouble understanding what you're getting at. You obviously have a personality. You're not a living mannequin.
Is there a promised land

Or am I on the journey going to nowhere?

Are the streets paved with gold

Or am I slipping on the mold that slowly grows there?

DevilDriver - Monsters of the Deep

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Guitar_clock
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Postby Guitar_clock » Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:50 pm

I think you should probably go see a shrink, Frost-o.

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Postby Spaced Ape » Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:09 pm

I'm with Glock. It sounds like you need someone, a professional, to work this out with. As I said, a bunch of random strangers who know little of things like this should not be your first resort.
Is there a promised land

Or am I on the journey going to nowhere?

Are the streets paved with gold

Or am I slipping on the mold that slowly grows there?

DevilDriver - Monsters of the Deep

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Postby Guitar_clock » Sun Jul 07, 2013 12:47 am

Differing perspectives are a must when you are handling the chime song of consciousness.

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Postby ƒrosty » Sun Jul 07, 2013 8:14 am

Spaced Ape wrote:I must be having trouble understanding what you're getting at. You obviously have a personality. You're not a living mannequin.
I certainly feel like one. I can hardly make any decisions unless there's a clear, logical conclusion. It feels like I've never met another of my species. There's something erroneous about the fact I'd exist in a place with gravity and matter. All this human shit is like so much white noise.

In regards to a shrink, I've had that thought, but I know the fucking solution: just goddamn do something. The difficulty I'm experiencing is that I don't know when that became so problematic...

I'm not really looking for answers from you guys. Each new perspective is something to think about and utilize.
[/somebullshit]

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Spaced Ape
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Postby Spaced Ape » Wed Jul 10, 2013 4:58 pm

ƒrosty wrote:
Spaced Ape wrote:I must be having trouble understanding what you're getting at. You obviously have a personality. You're not a living mannequin.
I certainly feel like one. I can hardly make any decisions unless there's a clear, logical conclusion. It feels like I've never met another of my species. There's something erroneous about the fact I'd exist in a place with gravity and matter. All this human shit is like so much white noise.


If you say so, buddy. You sound more pretentious than anything. If I met you on the street and you started talking like this, I'd probably move on pretty quickly.

If you're not looking for answers, to me then it sounds like you're looking for attention. Which I can sympathize, you probably don't get much contact with people.
Is there a promised land

Or am I on the journey going to nowhere?

Are the streets paved with gold

Or am I slipping on the mold that slowly grows there?

DevilDriver - Monsters of the Deep

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Postby evilredqueen » Wed Jul 10, 2013 8:40 pm

I have not been here for a while and just saw this ... I see some good advice here ..


Rule 1: Don't sweat the small shit.
Rule 2: Everything is small shit.


I think you should probably go see a shrink, Frost-o.



My advice ... the world is a joke .. we all know it so just go out there and have FUN !!!! There must be hobbies or interests that make you forget everything else .. do them !!!

Wishing you the best !!!
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