I dun gone and written something.

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Chara
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I dun gone and written something.

Postby Chara » Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:56 pm

Huck. Sometimes it 'happens.'

Forbidden Fruit (Forsaking someone you once believed in truly)

I yield to you, I am armoured by you
This gift you present is like a thousand wishes
Cleverly disguised like a simple wanton need
To take it in my hands is to repute everything
And to accept a strange, dark world instead
Of this haven you have made for me, bright
Was my love for it and everything you supplied
Yet now these strange and darkened eyes
Are drawing me in, are taking my soul
By a chain, and dragging me through a veil
I seek not forgiveness nor your understanding
But something borne out of your own shadow
That has put me here, and now I yield on my knees
To this forbidden fruit.



Comments, criticism and opinions welcome.
An experiment with existence is showing up anomalies
You see the day dissolve into the morrow
And the slow growing of your second skin
Adrenaline begins in the marrow and then intoxicates your oxygen

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Guitar_clock
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Postby Guitar_clock » Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:54 pm

Can you develop this¿ I feel like the poem came and went. Try to describe some detail if possible.

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Chara
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Postby Chara » Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:13 pm

Funny you picked up on that, I literally wrote this in 5 minutes. I had something running through my head and it turned into 'Forbidden Fruit.' I doubt I'll go back to it - I captured a thought with it, and I'm scared that if I attempt to rewrite it I'll ruin it.

However. I might be able to add in a couple of one liners I've saved from back along - that's what they're there for.
An experiment with existence is showing up anomalies
You see the day dissolve into the morrow
And the slow growing of your second skin
Adrenaline begins in the marrow and then intoxicates your oxygen


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